Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Winner Winner, Pescetarian Dinner.

You will be most proud to know, Readers Dear, that your esteemed Aquatic Cousin 2 (that would be me, Sparker) won her office holiday Tacky Sweater Contest. That would be a beer that I am holding to celebrate. Also, yes, I am wearing TWO tacky sweater simultaneously. Also-also: I received a choice pair of Grinch pajamas as my prize*, which you can bet your sweet ass I wore from that night through Christmas in my wave of unfortunate Christmas Illness.

(The main perk to being sick on Christmas as an adult only child is that your dad puts medicinal booze in your hot tea and mom lets you have control over the television so that all crazy aunts have to watch their "stories" in the back bedroom. Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye, nurse me back to health with your wacky holiday hi-jinx!)

Ahem. I would like to put in an honorable mention to AC1, who loaned me those fahhhhbulous white furry boots to complete my ensemble, and JPatt** who originally crafted the fine outer sweater, which so far holds a 100% record in winning all tacky contests it has been a part of. Rejoice. Deck the Halls. Etc.

My Christmas gift from AC2. He has moved into my cubicle because I sure as hell don't want him at my apartment, watching me sleep.

I have also proudly won two Starbucks gift cards through my company's Twitter Holiday Stories contest- if you're on Twitter, post a holiday story with the hashtag #bvhs and you're up to win a $10 Starbucks giftcard prize each day and will go into the drawing to win the $500 AMEX card overall prize. You can read all of the winning stories here. My two winning posts (I did not cheat, thank you, I have two separate accounts) are as follows, in case you were in want of example and too lazy or drunk to click that other link:

@SparkerPants Favorite holiday moment of being a vegetarian: Aunt pulls bird out of oven, remarks "Oh! There were plastic bags of guts in there?" #bvhs

@Intrepid_Intern This will be my first Christmas as a newlywed, or it would be if I had gotten married in the last year. So 24th Xmas w/my delusions. #bvhs

Happy Holidays folks! We here at Aquatic Headquarters hope that you've gotten all that makes you Merry & Bright, or you've exchanged for it and did not die in the hordes of pre-teens questing after Twilight merchandise at the mall, or you've stockpiled enough booze and dangerous fireworks to use on Thursday to forget all of your worldly woes.



* & ** really: Jpatt first debuted this sweater at a party we attended our sophomore year of college and won the contest; the prize, unfortunately, was a bottle of urine. I am not even joking. She also won a bear dressed in a unicorn suit which I was really upset she did not regift to me because I am seven.

Vintage holiday party enjoyments with the Patt of J.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Away in a manger/my buried credit card bills. . .

A lot happens on the Cousin Front pretty regularly and sometimes it is with great sadness that we cannot tell you about all of it in the manner we would like. Some of it might get us arrested and some might just mildly scar our family members (we don't know anything about the roving pack of feral chihuahuas, trained to drink mescal and pick up ladies by Scrappy).

We do, however, want to wish you the merriest and happiest of holidays, starting right here and right now. It's only 11 days 'til Christmas, folks- make sure you place your orders for Sophies and Firefly for the Aquatic Cousins. We even write old-fashioned thank you notes, so it's completely worth your while to add us to your gifting listing.

To your above left: Merry Happy Holidays, you pagans with your yule logs and you Christians with your 6lb 8oz little infant baby Jesus who was actually most likely born in the spring. You guys crazy. I love you. Also to all you Hannukah and Kwanza celebrating folk- I wish you delicious potato pancakes (I saw a recipe for spicy sweet potato latkes- damn do they sound good) and a good reaffirming of your African roots which I know is not a replacement for Christmas, but a celebration of culture.

So that was partly PC and only mildly insulted the religion I grew up with. I should totally be in PR (oh wait, I sortof am. . .)

And as further proof that you wish you worked where I do, please observe the following video below:

Merry Happy Tra-la-la, folks. Keep it in the family. (I don't know what I mean by that either, really. It's Monday. )


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Most Wonderful Time for Beer (or Firefly).

Wondering what to buy an Aquatic Cousin this holiday season? I don't know about Sarah but I have my eye on a certain costume. Please take a look at the video below.

Yep that's right this Aquatic Cousin has a love affair with Star Wars and the men of the Imperial Forces! I really do think that a Storm Trooper costume would round out my wardrobe!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


We know we talk about Sophies an awful lot here on the cousin blog (when in actuality we- being young and poor- drink a lot more magnums of Cooks because we are classy that way) and it is possible it has been mentioned before and I am just too lazy to look through the archives to find it, but I thought it was time, Reader Dear, that you knew something:


Being Texas girls born and bred, our Southern souls could not resist the siren call of the sweet tea vodka once introduced. Now a staple during nights out in Austin-town, or nights in the BDH bedazzling, it is in heavy rotation on our drink-of-choice roster. We recommend it on the rocks, with water and a little lemon. Simply delicious.

You can check out their website here- be prepared to jam out to some sweet tunes upon the loading of it (so if you're in the office like I am, bust out those headphones). I was a little surprised to go from my Phoenix Pandora station to the rockus sounds of the South, but not unpleasantly so.

In conclusion: put a little South in your mouth. (Saw this magical phrase on their Twitter account- I have to say, it's the first time I've seen this phrase used in conjunction with something other than the South Alabama Sailing Team. Bless you Kleinschrodt brothers, wherever you are.)