My life is pretty ridiculous these days, you guys. Even more so than usual. In the grand tradition of Doing Things At The Last Minute (which I started in Elementary school; you can ask my mother*), I was up until 3am Sunday putting the finishing touches on my Disco!Deer for the First Annual Art Show that my company put on Monday evening.
I always see the emails for these things when they're six weeks away and think My god! I am a good artist! My mom says so! Nevermind that I haven't produced a decent watercolor or paper-mâché Mastiff mask since the 8th grade- I AM AN ARTIST. I WILL PRODUCE NOT ONE- BUT THREE!- PIECES FOR THIS SHOW AND ALL WILL LOVE ME.
Obviously this ends in time and budget constraints that find me shopping for supplies for one piece only at the Kerrville Wal*Mart and spray-painting in the night so I can't get in trouble from my apartment complex's management. (No, I have no idea how that silver paint got on the grass. How mysterious.)
More importantly: What is a Disco!Deer, you may ask? Ask and you shall receive, Reader Dear:
That is a Disco!Deer. My artist's bio, in case you can't read it, says "The more ridiculous, the better."
Now accepting commissions! And I actually have some too- get your orders in today, folks. That one in particular will be on display in my office until July 30th and then will adorn the wall either of my living room or right above the bed in my room. I can't decide which location suits it best; the bedroom is certainly more ridiculous, but the living room is where everyone will be able to see it. DECISIONS. I hear the important ones are what Adulthood is all about. (Don't worry if you are having trouble becoming a Real Adult. You are not alone.)
That's probably the most exciting thing I've done all week too- I spent Tuesday night helping Aquatic Friend Ginger Lauren prepare for her GRE exam (NEVER GO TO GRAD SCHOOL NEVER GOOOOO) by quizzing her on vocab words and coded a large chunk of my thesis data. We are planning to continue the nerdy party into this weekend by using large vocab words while making lump crab dip and having a Harry Potter marathon. Ah, the wild carefree days of young adulthood.
So. Give me more reasons to ignore my thesis and glue shiny shit into cardboard animals instead. Available designs (custom designs- say, a Disco!Unicorn or elk- are available, but require more time and money to make happen):
Moose (there's a Sarah Palin joke in here somewhere)
Email me (sparkeranne at gmail dot com) if you're so inclined as to have this wonder grace your walls.
*Procrastination From an Early Age: A Tale by AC2
My mom's favorite thing to hear when I was 10 or 11:
"Mom?" "What Sarah?" "I have a project and I need some poster board. Do we have any?" "No, but we can go to the store. . .wait, when is this project due?" "Tomorrow." "SARAH IT IS 8PM." "Well. . .then we better go to the store?"
Everyone feel free to hate AC1 because right now she is here
And you are not. Have fun on your travels, Cousin Love! Return to us safe, and with tales of the Actual Aquatics you are partaking in.
ETA: From the lovely Emily of Taosim of Emils (whom I met while journeying across Europe in 2007 on the requisite Graduation Trip of Bus Craziness) who it seems is my twin soul- a little dose of happiness (or a mini-vacation if you will) on this Wednesday afternoon.
Occasionally we are too busy living life or merely trying to survive it with enough sanity at the end of the day to not shave my cat in order to see if the spots are really on her skin and not just her fur like the Wikipedia article says. . .you get the point.
That doesn't mean you don't get stories! See how we positively spoil you.
*Ahem* Once upon a time, outside of Austin, there lived a bootleg Ren-Fair called the Sherwood Forrest Faire (you know it's historically authentic if they try to make it look like it's spelled in Olde English, nevermind most people who work there probably never finished high school let alone The Canterbury Tales). The Aquatic Cousins along with Aquatic Friend Val decided to brave the wilds of this mud-strewn ground in order to pay too much money for the bottles of Yellow Tail that would be necessary to listen to the idiotic ramblings of the weird men who would inevitably try to talk to them.
I wasn't lying about the Yellow Tail. That shit was necessary.
Val went for the Heineken.
AC1 went for the LSD-laced turkey legs. Kidding. They were actually laced with PCP.
You would have wished for barrels of drugs, preferably something to sedate you but not too much because. . .well, you're about to find out. Because someone was there. Someone who found the movie Troy to be historically accurate. Someone who spray tans and probably does P90X while snorting protein powder off that mirror that comes in the Pretty Pretty Princess game.
Whom do I speak of? Oh. I speak of him. (No, not Jesus.)
We were so bored we ended up playing Truth or Dare and basically acting like the 13-year-olds that Yellow Tail, Heineken and PCP-laced turkey legs will revert you back to. And so we met these dudes (he had a friend who was at the same level of spray-tan and historically inaccurate costumery) because I was dared to poke them in the abs, which was a bad idea because then I got sandwich-raped while trying not to spill my wine. PRIORITIES. My faith in humanity was restored because a stranger rescued my wine and held it for me.
While this man has been promised to me by both Cousin-Love and Val, I want you to know that at least Val is not alone as she also found her One True Love at the Bootleg Ren-Faire- The Fantastic Mr. Fox.
This dude definitely goes to some Furry conventions.
This dude is authentic. If AC1 wants him, she'll have to fight Jpatt*.
I don't know that I can really follow up the story of my sandwich rape with anything much better- AC1 was whipped by a woman dressed as god-only-knows-what-but-she-had-a-whip and I tried to make Val try on some ridiculous nearly-non-existent costume but there was no changing room and we weren't cruel enough to make her go along with the saleswench's suggestion that Val just "pop into the kitchen; no one will look". I think she also may have suggested an empty stage as a changing room.
The kitchen thing has to violate at least one health code regulation. Of the PCP-laced turkey legs.
Oh god. The end.
*Jpatt is an Aquatic Friend from AC2's dorm days; she has a fascination with llamas and her plan to christen one Drama Llama and have him appear whenever anyone is fighting by yelling "DRAMA!" (he'll come when he hears his name called, you see) only he'll be dressed like Liberace and he'll be so ridiculous that everyone will forget what they were upset and fighting about- that shit could bring world peace.
The Aquatic Cousins are great fans of True Blood and invite you to witness this, which AC2 has just seen in all of its confusing wonderment:
I honestly do not even know what to think of this. I can't decide what I love about it more- the terrible background Sookie dancers, the fact that he smokes "Tru Bud" or that he called Sam a bitch (because Sam is totally a bitch).
I'm probably going to watch this thirty more times before I'm sad that I'll never have a gin and juice with Snoop at Merlottes- and I don't even like gin.