Sunday, November 20, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Love is so many things that it’s impossible for one person to answer that question, so instead of answering this one myself I decided to ask my readers. Here are the replies I received when I posed this question on my Facebook page and Twitter feed:
Spike Aroo: Love is the ability to be vulnerable.
Allison Mcg: Love is the opposite of fear.
Jennifer Ad Meliora Reeves: I think love, real love, means acceptance of the whole person—their faults, attributes, shortcomings, gifts, abilities, inabilities, etc. Love shouldn’t be based on hope or potential, which I am learning the hard way. We would never want someone to say to us, “I love you, but…” and then tick off the ways we could be better or different. We want someone to love us just as we are—here, today. And we need to love ourselves, and forgive ourselves, in this same way. Love is a state of grace.
@Miss___B: Love is something infinite and sublime that can only be made wrong or less-than when you try to box it into definitions.
Jan Cooper: Favorite quote: “To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten” (unknown author).
Sara Habein: I can’t be the only one who, despite seriously considering the subject, had visions of “A Night at the Roxbury” dancing through my head. (Woah-oh-oh-OH-oh-oh *ahem*) All right, I’ll go back to serious contemplation.
@RumpusPoetry: It’s a song that causes severe neck injury and won’t leave your head once it gets in there.
Terry N Teros: Love is the glue that holds the whole program together.
Carolynne Reina Mielke: Love is thinking of others before yourself!
Bill Mazza: Generosity without expectation and trust without judgment.
Joan Rogers: I tend to think of it as the profound knowledge that the equation is more important than either of its component parts.
@ayse: I just read a beautiful evocation of love by @tracyclarkflory. [ETA: My favorite line from this article was "I suppose that's one definition of love: You do something for someone else and it ends up feeling like a gift to yourself."]
Roberta DiBisceglie : For me, love means caring for someone not despite their flaws but because of them. Love transports us to a better place, not always a happier one, but one that helps us to grow and find balance. Love is truth and it will set you free.
@blandroid (Jason Asher): Acceptance, faith, patience, healing, openness, honesty, cherishing, giving, receiving, growing, and being vulnerable.
SonYa Eick: Love is when you’ve found someone who makes you want to be the best version of yourself possible. To fix all your flaws, yet accept them at the same time. It’s when you’ve found the one who inspires you and motivates you especially when you’re weak and unable to do so on your own.
Denise L. Moore: Love is a relationship without apathy, honesty without judgment, laughter without embarrassment, belief without proof, compassion without end on a road traveling both ways.
@saribotton (Sari Botton): Whatever love is, you can’t experience it until you stop confusing validation with satisfaction. Awesome when you do, but so many don’t.
April Cooper: I have always liked this definition: “Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled. I also think love is the energy that powers the Universe (all of reality) and that it is our life purpose to lose our fearful perceptions of separation and experience Oneness with All That Is as fully as possible.
Brenda Lehman Gorenc: Love is the act of putting someone else first, even when your heart doesn’t feel like doing it.
Ryan Nance: Love is what we have decided to call the world lit by other people.
Amen to that."
I started thinking about all the other various ways to define love ("I wanna know what love iiissss/I want you to shoooow meeeee")-- my first thought (okay second) going back to Tiny Beautiful Things: "Real love moves freely in both directions. Don't waste your time on anything else." That can take a surprisingly long time to learn in life. For so many people it's easier to wait, to hope, to stay beyond all reason for something that was once true but no longer is. Be brave enough to break your own heart. It's not an easy thing to do. I've watched it. I've lived it.
My own definition is still forming, it would seem; for things such as this I believe the best works are a lifelong revision process. I know it has a lot to do with patience and giving, with being a whole woman who acknowledges I still have much room to learn and grow. That you should spend time with those you can learn and grow from and with. To never compromise the parts of you that are silly or loud or outrageous and never expect anyone else to do the same. To understand that even the most silly, loud and outrageous person also wants to be quiet sometimes and wants you to share in all those parts of them, and they in you.
It is something we all have the deepest longing for and often, the least understanding. That is what makes it so beautiful and frustrating and exciting in all its many forms. Love isn't just romantic; it is food. We must learn to feed ourselves before we can feed others.
*This thesis is a labor of love that is the closest I want to come to children for about the next decade or so.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
So, I asked myself...What is a barrier? By definition a barrier is a noun, an obstacle, something that is built up to bar passage. Alright then, self, what are your "barriers"? I asked (definitely allowed, and maaaybe in a Russian accent). Do I have a hypothetical glacier which I refuse to melt? Or if you prefer it, picture an image of me sitting in a martini glass so large and tall that you just can't reach me way up there.
After a long conversation with self (not good friends Michael and Rebs, but the inner self), she told me it is neither of these things. "Amanda," said self (in a small French accented voice) "you are not an Ice-Princess or an emotional shut it, you are more of a layer cake, or an onion if you will ...you do kind of smell today, you should shower."
During my shower I thought about what I had been told and after the water ran cold it came to me: knowing me takes time and like Lady Gaga said "Loving me is like chewing on pearls". And while I may have my very own matching luggage set that I drag around to every place I go, I don't have barriers; I have layers. These layers I've got just take time to peel back. Most people don't get past them, but the ones who stick around, the ones I love see my core and truly love me for me (even if it is painful and crunchy).
Friday, April 8, 2011
My favorite bit:
Sunday, April 3, 2011
That certainly could have been weirder. (Sourced from Bakadesuyo where all the best things are.)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.
In the middle of the night in the middle of your twenties when your best woman friend crawls naked into your bed, straddles you, and says, You should run away from me before I devour you, believe her.
You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.
When that really sweet but fucked up gay couple invites you over to their cool apartment to do ecstasy with them, say no.
There are some things you can’t understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.
One evening you will be rolling around on the wooden floor of your apartment with a man who will tell you he doesn’t have a condom. You will smile in this spunky way that you think is hot and tell him to fuck you anyway. This will be a mistake for which you alone will pay.
Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.
You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.
Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.
One hot afternoon during the era in which you’ve gotten yourself ridiculously tangled up with heroin you will be riding the bus and thinking what a worthless piece of crap you are when a little girl will get on the bus holding the strings of two purple balloons. She’ll offer you one of the balloons, but you won’t take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You’re wrong. You do.
Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.
When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t “mean anything” because, much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes.
The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming.
One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don’t look at her skeptically after she tells you she thought the coat was perfect for you. Don’t hold it up and say it’s longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly even too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last gift she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life.
Say thank you.
I would paint that on my walls, were they big enough and I wasn't renting.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I want to be the person who had to find those shoes for him.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Oh dear. And here he's just been proclaiming himself as my thesis coach.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Do the creep. With my Pandora.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Let's just gloss over the fact that it's now February and move right into something I'm waiting to happen on April 17th- HBO's mini-series adaptation of George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones.
The Song of Ice and Fire series has been sitting on my to-read list for absolute ages and news of this going into production spurred me to finally order the books and read them, aside from the bit I read and don't remember from when I was 14 or so.
Whether you've read them or not, if you're into fantasy this looks promising. The casting for my favorite character- fierce little Arya- looks dead freaking on, I am so excited.
Who's my little BAMF?!
I will try to restrain myself at this point from yelling about how much I hate the character of her sister, who is a dumb, dumb bitch. Ah. . .that was my restraint. Ahem. They seem to have aged some of the children, which I honestly expected due to some of the content of the story; it would be difficult finding child actors to handle some of the things that would have to happen to them (Chloe Moretz cannot be in all of the things). I mean damn, this series is dark-- a reason I love it so. Beheadings! Incest! Rape! Murder! Betrayal! No one is safe; it's not black-and-white fantasy where you can line up all the characters on either side, with maybe one dude dawdling in the grey area. In this, everyone has their own agenda and also many of them HAVE THEIR OWN LITERAL GIANT WOLVES, HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! Ahem.
The cazzine* will be excited to find me on her couch for this come April, I am sure.
Further selling points? DRAGONS AND MAY I AGAIN MENTION GIANT FUCKING WOLVES. Where is my direworlf I want one.
Characters of Jon Snow (the bastard son!) & Bran (the middle son!) with their direwolf pups. Oh hai dad look what we found in the snow CAN WE KEEP THEM?!
My favorite dumb, dumb bitch Sansa (Arya's sister, who they appear to have aged a bit from eleven) with her direwolf. 'Sup. Just takin' my wolf for a stroll.
*Cazzine=childhood interpretation of cousin, which has recently come back into vogue for us
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
From the kitchen table of AC2, Sparker. (There is still Christmas stuff on it. On the table. Not on AC2.)
Well then. More than halfway into that first month of the New Year, aren't we? And it has already been pretty eventful (not even counting both Aquatic Cousins being infected with some sort of long-lasting plague disease).
- Tragedy did not stay behind in 2010, as was proven by an unstable young man attempting to assassinate Congresswoman Giffords of AZ. A nine-year-old girl and five other people present at the time weren't so lucky in their escape. Nine years. Far too short a time to live.
- Okay. Let's take a second. I'm crying everywhere. Pause. Pause pause pause. Breathe. Okay.
- The world needs to remember: mental illness isn't an explanation for violence.
- People will go bonkers over the Zodiac. And we are not talking about the serial killer.
- Cabbage sauteed in butter is DELICIOUS. Less so when you leave the Tupperware in your fridge for two weeks.
- Calphalon pans are not the same as cast iron and your Paula Deen biscuits won't be fluffy. Also touching that pan will result in an enormous and terrifying blister on the side of your hand. Great job there, freakshow.
- Gorilla suits. . .molt. . .a lot. Also you can totally manicure gorilla hand gloves.
Until then, kids: ~*The More You Know!*~