Ain't no panic in my disco, only party. And sparkles.

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.




My life is pretty ridiculous these days, you guys. Even more so than usual. In the grand tradition of Doing Things At The Last Minute (which I started in Elementary school; you can ask my mother*), I was up until 3am Sunday putting the finishing touches on my Disco!Deer for the First Annual Art Show that my company put on Monday evening.

I always see the emails for these things when they're six weeks away and think My god! I am a good artist! My mom says so! Nevermind that I haven't produced a decent watercolor or paper-mâché Mastiff mask since the 8th grade- I AM AN ARTIST. I WILL PRODUCE NOT ONE- BUT THREE!- PIECES FOR THIS SHOW AND ALL WILL LOVE ME.

Obviously this ends in time and budget constraints that find me shopping for supplies for one piece only at the Kerrville Wal*Mart and spray-painting in the night so I can't get in trouble from my apartment complex's management. (No, I have no idea how that silver paint got on the grass. How mysterious.)

More importantly: What is a Disco!Deer, you may ask? Ask and you shall receive, Reader Dear:

That is a Disco!Deer. My artist's bio, in case you can't read it, says "The more ridiculous, the better."

Now accepting commissions! And I actually have some too- get your orders in today, folks. That one in particular will be on display in my office until July 30th and then will adorn the wall either of my living room or right above the bed in my room. I can't decide which location suits it best; the bedroom is certainly more ridiculous, but the living room is where everyone will be able to see it. DECISIONS. I hear the important ones are what Adulthood is all about. (Don't worry if you are having trouble becoming a Real Adult. You are not alone.)

That's probably the most exciting thing I've done all week too- I spent Tuesday night helping Aquatic Friend Ginger Lauren prepare for her GRE exam (NEVER GO TO GRAD SCHOOL NEVER GOOOOO) by quizzing her on vocab words and coded a large chunk of my thesis data. We are planning to continue the nerdy party into this weekend by using large vocab words while making lump crab dip and having a Harry Potter marathon. Ah, the wild carefree days of young adulthood.

So. Give me more reasons to ignore my thesis and glue shiny shit into cardboard animals instead. Available designs (custom designs- say, a Disco!Unicorn or elk- are available, but require more time and money to make happen):

• Elephant
• Moose (there's a Sarah Palin joke in here somewhere)
• Deer
  
• Rhino
  
• Bison

Email me (sparkeranne at gmail dot com) if you're so inclined as to have this wonder grace your walls.

-AC2

*Procrastination From an Early Age: A Tale by AC2

My mom's favorite thing to hear when I was 10 or 11:

"Mom?"
"What Sarah?"
"I have a project and I need some poster board. Do we have any?"
"No, but we can go to the store. . .wait, when is this project due?"
"Tomorrow."
"SARAH IT IS 8PM."
"Well. . .then we better go to the store?"

It's a good thing I was cute.

2010 The Year of the Cougar

Here we are, two Aquatic Cousins once again separated by miles of land. What is an Aquatic Cousin to do all alone? Something AQUATIC!

First lets recap shall we? Lets take it back to the end of December 2009.

Chapter One:

(For the sake of all those involved the names of the participants will be changed. Please do not let this effect your opinion of the following chapter or chapters.)

Ever done it with a Cougar?

I have asked this of my male friends many times. Now shall we go a Cougaring?

K & G

Feature above, out-of-town-Cousin (aka Umbrella Dancing Cousin) and her Man came to the ATX to have a pre-NYE celebration! We all met up at their favorite wine dive and had a few. We then proceeded to a bar that for this blog we will call Red Velvet. There we smoked a little tabackie from a Hookah and had some cocktails. It was at Red Velvet that we saw a young lad escort a dancing Cougar through the bar. We all of course laughed about this odd couple and it was not until later that I realized that this young lad was in fact "Baby Brandon"- friend of my friend [another] Brandon. Brandon had been searching all over the warehouse district for Baby Brandon and his group of friends, little did we all know that Baby Brandon had gone A-Cougaring.

I have done New Years with one (yes a Cougar) ...and shall we say that the lore of the Cougar outdoes her actual performance? Well hell yes, I shall! Perhaps it was a bad idea to bring a 51 year old divorcee with two 20-somethings to a dance party?! Yes, Svetlana sadly it was! While I do love a bit of Cougar company now and again, this was not the time, nor the place.

We had planned a non-stop, dance-a-thon, party adventure sure to last all night, but what happened was of a completely different nature. After a stop for sushi, numerous glasses of wine, and two hours of dancing, Svetlana and I escorted our falling-to-pieces Cougar home only minutes after midnight! Sadly we missed out on Flosstradamus which is what we had come for!

Let me say this as a cautionary tale to all you Cougars out there: Xanex, Cougars, is not your friend! Even when suffering extreme emotional trauma, use it with discretion and not when drinking in public for crying out loud! This was not a pretty sight. . . groping us, hitting on fat security guards. . terrible! By the time we returned to the car, retrieved a return mode of transport and drove her back to he ritzy home in the Hills (where she forced us to eat organic nuts and other produce), we scarcely had time to sprint into the nearest bar for one more drink! This NYE could not be saved for this Aquatic Cousin or her very dear Svetlana. I do hope that your New Year Celebration faired better!

Chapter Two:

Here We Go a Road tripping!

The Tale of Mission Return the Moo.

I will say that the Aquatic Cousin's are in general known for their splendid ideas, Bedazzling etc. I recently had what I think may have been one of my better ideas (actually that is a total lie, it is turning out to be one of the worst! More on that later....)! Road trip Return the Moo! As most of you know my very dear man friend SGT. Inconvenience has been in the Middle East doing creepy Special Forces military stuffs. . .hence why I have been harboring the Moo and the man truck for 7 months! So I thought to myself I have to return the aforementioned man garb and why not make it a party?

After a three day visit to San Antonio, to be with my favorite Aunt Deb while she had surgery I really needed to have some fun (you will be pleased to know that she is doing very well two weeks post Op)! So I said "Hey Mommies! Y'all want to ride as far as New Orleans with me and the old dog and we can have us a girls weekend?" They being the wonderful mothers that they are said "OF COURSE AMANDA! THAT SOUNDS GREAT!" (notice the all caps for this is how a cougar types). So onward we went to NOLA!

The three of us (Me, my Mum, Molly-Ryan's Mum-and Moo) all piled into the Maynard mobile and began the journey. I for one have never driven a giant man truck on a road trip before and while the truck its self is fun to drive, putting all of our junk in the back was a bit unsettling considering all the rain, so we took it easy and stopped for the night in Lake Charles, LA. We grabbed some rooms at the local LaQuinta and headed over to a local spot called Steam Boat Bill's.

Notice the Gator in the back?

I had some amazing Gumbo which I of course filled with Tabasco and I think the Mom's both had shrimp of some sort.This joint was high class as I am sure you can tell from the previous photo. If you have any doubt let me supply this next image for further evidence.

Sutter Home, Sauvignon Blanc. . tastes like Bananas!

The next morning, not bright, nor early we exited the LaQuinta and continued on our trek through the rain toward NOLA. Let me just say that as far as my experience goes, Texas has by far the best Highway system in the nation (as far as clarity and road surface go anyway)! We used the iPhone GPS and didn't get lost, which was a complete shock to me since I always get lost! Once we arrived in New Orleans the B&B Mom had reserved in the Garden District turned out to be a bust. . . lets just say I was worried about the dog sleeping on the floors in this joint. Lets not talk about the sheets on the beds. . .one word, horrific! I could not allow two cute Cougars to sleep in a place like this, so we headed to the Sheraton on Canal which was much more our style.

We had such a great time, and even got to stay an extra day due to a collective Blonde Moment on the part of the Moms. We ate at Emeril's Delmonico, had Brunch at Brennan's, visited the Carosel Bar in the Hotel Monteleone, had a PoBoy at Johnny's and saw the sights of NOLA. Including the Famous Bourbon Street...

Me and Molly on Bourbon Street with my Stalker

The Audubon Aquarium of the Americas...

Look a baby Sarah!
AC2 ETA: This is totally me, down to the outfit. Amazing.

The Aquarium was uber cool! They had Sea Horses! Which I love, love! They also had otters and giant catfish! When I say giant I mean like 30 pounders. . .YIKES!

My favorite Aquatic Creature (other than Sarah)!

We also took a carriage ride in buggy pulled by a Mule named Mike!

I think that may have been the highlight for me (yes, I am serious). Mike's driver Charlie drove us around town and showed us the historic sights of the French Quarter, and the St. Luis cemetery, where we saw the grave of the famed Voodoo Goddess Marie Laveau!

Charlie told us that if you leave a token, mark the grave with three x's and then spin in a circle and make a wish that perhaps Marie will grant it. If she does you are to come back and circle your x's! Pretty cool huh? Bet you want to know what I wished for or left as a token?

Then Charlie showed us where the original Pimm's cup was made, Napoleon House. It was fun and delicious!

Come on doesn't Molly look thrilled that I dragged her on this trip?

Ok so this trip was decidedly not Aquatic except for the Aquarium and the rain, but it was still really fun!

So, after a quick goodbye to the Mom's Tuesday morning I showered and headed out of New Orleans with the old Moo headed for Alabama. It was only about a 6 hour drive to Birmingham

Moose Looking out the window of our 21 floor room

which is where I stopped, because my cousin Adam lives round that way in a town called Vestavia Hills. Remember that show Hoover High or something like that about the Hoover High School Football team? Well Hoover is just around the corner from Vestavia. . I drove through it. HUGE Stadium! Totally ridiculous! Whatever. . . tax payer dollars at work right?

Cousin Adam and I hung out at my home away from home, the fair LaQuinta Inn. . . It was a lovely room honestly especially for the price! Once again Moo man and I were lucky enough to secure a room directly across from the back door which made things a breeze for him. Traveling with big dogs can be hard, but this trip was surprisingly easy! Adam and I had some delicious pizza for dinner and caught up on what has transpired in our lives since we last saw one another three years ago. He is such a wonderful person! He has really grown up to be a very generous and good looking young man! He is hilarious to boot! He and my Daddy are always making bets on things and this time, per the usual Adam lost and owes my Dad $50.00. Along with the fifty he sent a ten dollar gift card to Mc Donald's, because my Dad complains that Adam never takes him anywhere nice. I'm sure my dad will be thrilled and order off the Dollar menu.

In conclusion (because I am tired of writing and this road trip) for those of you who don't already know and actually read this, my journey has ended in Fayetteville, NC where it is currently snowing. I do not know how long old Moo and I will be marooned here, but we are looking forward to the day when our road trip has come to a conclusion and we return to the BDH.

Please stay tuned for the next installment: AQUATIC COUSINS TAKE VALENTINES DAY!!!

It's a New Year, My Dear.

I am not entirely sure, Readers Dear, how we have managed to already traipse along the month of January in the year of our Lord Old Gregg 2010 to the twelfth day.

The Aquatic Cousins have been engaged in separate journeys thus far in this new year and new decade (oh shut up I know it's not really a new decade, but some of us are eager for fresh starts over here)- I, AC2, went camping on the Eve of New Year's Eve in the forty degree weather because that was an amazing idea and subsequently had my voice repossessed in the Return of My Christmas Illness.

On actual New Year's Eve I still wore my blue dress with the Lady Gaga shoulder pads (I really wish I had a proper photo of that to show you, but I failed in my usual zest for photography) and croaked at friends and co-workers in the early hours of our Fresh New Start while drinking champagne from everything but a proper champagne glass. I am classy to the end, my dears. To the end.

AC1 went to a magical concert (INDOORS! Where it is warm!) of our previously recommended musical loves Flosstradamus and I am sure she will fill you in on her happenings there at a later date.

In semi-related news, I received not one, but TWO Edward Cullen dolls over the course of the holidays. You may assume one of the following from this statement of unfortunate fact:

1) I am secretly a die-hard Twilight fan and make out with both of them before I go to bed every night/am going to order that Regretsy wall decor to cement my stance in life

2) I hate everyone that I know

3) I firmly believe that Robert Pattinson is crying somewhere because all these creepy likenesses of him are roaming around the face of the planet/the bag of that creepy lady

I think you can probably figure out my stance on the matter of Twilight, especially if I point you in the direction of something lovely I was sent by two different people in the course of several minutes last night, including my boss. (I was also Re-Tweeted the same @FakeAPStylebook entry within minutes this morning. . .so basically The Internets at Large knows me as a Crazy Cat Lady with a hatred of all mediocre vampire literature. Awesome.)

As far as Resolutions go, I hereby declare the following for the Aquatic Cousins:

1. Complete Bedazzling Project
2. Commence and Complete Disco!Deer Project
   
3. Engage in the Consumption of Cooks Together, on One or Both Occasions
   
4. Be More Awesome (this may not actually be possible)
   

I haven't run those past AC1 but I'm sure she'll agree that they are more than worthy for our conduct in this New Year.

This is AC2 (using a photo of AC1) wishing you a prosperous and joyful New Year.

It's a New Years Kiss, from the Aquatic Cousins to you, baby.

-AC2

The Results are In!

We are saving a chair for you (you know who you are)!

Was Sunday Funday a successful cousin outing? Why yes, yes I believe it was! Somethings are just for cousins and some are to share. I will share with you this there will be more bedazzling on the way and hopefully more trips to Lustre Pearl. We played Ping Pong whilst we drank our wine and took photos that due to the idiotic nature of my camera almost look artistic! We also hula hooped in the giant hoops provided by Luster.

It was a romantical cousin adventure and we had a lot of fun, some of it planned and some of it not...

These here are my lovely and elegant cousins

Aaand this is me climbing through the fireplace. . .

That Sauvignon Blanc was really tasty too bad I don't remember what type it was! After Lustre we went to Saba Blue Water Cafe for dinner. Kristi loves their Steak Churrasco and Sarah and I had the delicious Creole Spiced Calamari! Yumm this place is great for dates too and not just the cousin type. We all had a Mojito with our meal which only made it more delish!

With that I will leave you I have had a long day of playing artist at school and I nearly impaled myself with a burnisher during print making (involves acid and sharp things scaaary!).

Have a wonderful evening Ladies and Gents and "let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!"

~AC1

Giant floating heads and canned champagne

Greetings, dear readers! This is Aquatic Cousin 2 speaking, live from Kickbutt Coffee.

[If you like the dress, I borrowed it from Aquatic Cousin 1 and no I am not wearing it anymore, but I did love it so much I bought it and you can too. Let's all be twins! I'm sure it works that way. ]

As a graduate student who works two jobs out of her house (internet permitting HEY THERE AT&T), I- Aquatic Cousin 2- have a pretty strange and continually morphing schedule (though unfortunately it never morphs into anything fun like a Power Ranger; having Zordon as a conversation piece in my apartment would spice up ALL my dinner parties). At the moment Wednesdays are my nights off from fieldwork and often Aquatic Cousin 1 and I involve ourselves in some type of mischief.

Yesterday, for example, I received a text message that said only "BEDAZZLE!!!" and knew immediately that I must journey to the Barbie Dream House* and enter into bedazzling activities with Aquatic Cousin 1; champagne and tacky glue being the moral adhesive of our universe.

Observe the plight of our project thus far:
This was Aquatic Cousin 1's idea after seeing a photo of the Disco!Deer and wondering what she might do in order to improve upon the plain plywood appearance of her cabinets. More updates and details on this project as it progresses, mark my words.

After spending a little over four hours tirelessly adhering acrylic jewels to the back of the cabinet from the vantage of the granite counter top (and praying to Lord Old Gregg we wouldn't go crashing through the floor into the downstairs apartment) with the aid of champagne, we decided that dinner and a bit of a night out on the town were in order.

Austin is of course famous for its many varied and delicious Tex-Mex joints and Guero's Taco Bar was the decided upon destination for the evening's taco and margarita beverage needs; Aquatic Cousin 1 is your definitive source for all things at the bar and could tell you which version we were enjoying last night. I am here to talk shrimp tacos and my neverending fear and loathing of hookah which we enjoy patronizing Red Fez downtown for (more on that in a moment, dear readers).

Margaritas on the rocks for the Aquatic Cousins

Normalcy is not something we lay claim to, or ever have.

After dinner we talked about checking out a friend's show at Antone's, but ultimately found ourselves enjoy beverages and mango-flavored hookah at Red Fez. I personally did only partake in the water beverage selection and cowered in fear of the terrifying hookah, as I have recently started kickboxing classes at the Martial Way Academy and now have to rise at a respectable hour to get some busted up sexy knuckles to show for my efforts of holding up pads for large sweaty men.

THE HOOKAH IS ATTACKING DOWNTOWN TOKYO! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIVES!!!

We were both only children, dear readers, and have developed interesting imaginations and ideas of entertainment as a result of this. At any rate if you find yourself in Austin and need yourself a good Tokyo-attacking hookah, Red Fez is your place. They usually have some sweet tunes and are one of the only places in town you will find Sophia Coppola's canned champagne- it comes with a straw, even. How could you possibly beat that? Sophies, we call them. I highly encourage you order one or order a case and send them to us, we will post pictures of us drinking them and maybe even wearing bikinis if you send several cases.

I would love to keep on, my darlings, but a week's backlog of fieldnotes** awaits me. Take care and in the meantime we appreciate all questions/comments/concerns/pledges to send seven cases of Sophies in the comments.

-Aquatic Cousin 2

*Barbie Dream House or BDH= the residence of Aquatic Cousin 1; it is fabulosity itself.
**fieldnotes are part of my fieldwork, for my thesis, which is ethnographic in nature and if you don't know what that means, ask me or use Google for its intended purposes, Internet.