Oh what a knight. (TERRIBLE PUN.)

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.





A COUSIN ADVENTURE OF MONTHS PAST.

Occasionally we are too busy living life or merely trying to survive it with enough sanity at the end of the day to not shave my cat in order to see if the spots are really on her skin and not just her fur like the Wikipedia article says. . .you get the point.

That doesn't mean you don't get stories! See how we positively spoil you.

*Ahem* Once upon a time, outside of Austin, there lived a bootleg Ren-Fair called the Sherwood Forrest Faire (you know it's historically authentic if they try to make it look like it's spelled in Olde English, nevermind most people who work there probably never finished high school let alone The Canterbury Tales). The Aquatic Cousins along with Aquatic Friend Val decided to brave the wilds of this mud-strewn ground in order to pay too much money for the bottles of Yellow Tail that would be necessary to listen to the idiotic ramblings of the weird men who would inevitably try to talk to them.

I wasn't lying about the Yellow Tail. That shit was necessary.

Val went for the Heineken.


AC1 went for the LSD-laced turkey legs. Kidding. They were actually laced with PCP.

You would have wished for barrels of drugs, preferably something to sedate you but not too much because. . .well, you're about to find out. Because someone was there. Someone who found the movie Troy to be historically accurate. Someone who spray tans and probably does P90X while snorting protein powder off that mirror that comes in the Pretty Pretty Princess game.

Whom do I speak of? Oh. I speak of him. (No, not Jesus.)

THIS GUY.

We were so bored we ended up playing Truth or Dare and basically acting like the 13-year-olds that Yellow Tail, Heineken and PCP-laced turkey legs will revert you back to. And so we met these dudes (he had a friend who was at the same level of spray-tan and historically inaccurate costumery) because I was dared to poke them in the abs, which was a bad idea because then I got sandwich-raped while trying not to spill my wine. PRIORITIES. My faith in humanity was restored because a stranger rescued my wine and held it for me.

While this man has been promised to me by both Cousin-Love and Val, I want you to know that at least Val is not alone as she also found her One True Love at the Bootleg Ren-Faire- The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

This dude definitely goes to some Furry conventions.



This dude is authentic. If AC1 wants him, she'll have to fight Jpatt*.

I don't know that I can really follow up the story of my sandwich rape with anything much better- AC1 was whipped by a woman dressed as god-only-knows-what-but-she-had-a-whip and I tried to make Val try on some ridiculous nearly-non-existent costume but there was no changing room and we weren't cruel enough to make her go along with the saleswench's suggestion that Val just "pop into the kitchen; no one will look". I think she also may have suggested an empty stage as a changing room.

The kitchen thing has to violate at least one health code regulation. Of the PCP-laced turkey legs.

Oh god. The end.

-AC2

*Jpatt is an Aquatic Friend from AC2's dorm days; she has a fascination with llamas and her plan to christen one Drama Llama and have him appear whenever anyone is fighting by yelling "DRAMA!" (he'll come when he hears his name called, you see) only he'll be dressed like Liberace and he'll be so ridiculous that everyone will forget what they were upset and fighting about- that shit could bring world peace.

Crash Course in Awesome!

From the desk of AC1, Mandapants.

Margaritas and sombreros at Juan's!

As most of you know, we are cousins who are full of awesome- however life has not been so awesome lately. We have had a few deaths this year and turmoil in various other areas of our lives, but we forge ahead and are mo better than evaar!

I had a birthday, and we celebrated Cinco de Mayo early in honor of our dearly departed Granddad.

Bubble Gum Flavored Vodka*. . Don't go there.

We floated the Comal river last weekend with the group DTF (Down to Float) it was a shit show but was very fun! Per the norm Sarah flipped her tube but managed to have her stellar instincts kick in and save the cooler of beer that also contained our keys! Way to go COUSIN LOVE!

Not shockingly Sarah has managed to re-secure her internship for the summer . . . and BAM I have a summer job too! I am not sure my job has a description other than "bitch" but I could make some money and if I can stop drooling over my co-worker who is very married (he just dresses so bad I can't help but picture him naked. AHHHHH stop it!) then it may be a good learning experience for me!

Tonight we celebrate our awesomeness and drink to being back on our feet with the Ladies *cough* of Manhattan at the Alamo Ritz. Yes we are paying money to see Sex and The City 2. . .we should be ashamed, but we are NOT! Woot in the words of one of our favorite blondes Lala Myers LETS GET CRUNK!

So in conclusion dust of your party panties and get back out there!

Ta Ta For NOW!

AC1

*This is what is Aquatic Cousin Tested and Aquatic Cousin Not Approved.

My apartment smells like the Ground Zero of cats.

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.



Mabry has been married for almost two whole weeks, you guys (I nearly typed y'all- after 24 years, it seems Texas is starting to get to me). I read on Fake e-Etiquette that it is polite to apologize for how little you update at least every three blog posts. I know my six (maybe seven now that KT has joined our ranks) loyal readers are routinely on the edge of their seat, waiting for updates in our lives of aquatic wonder and splendor. For this, I must offer my most heartfelt apology and suggest that the next time this happens, Google for pictures of cats.

In the meantime, we'll be building up a back-log of adventures in photo and prose form to dazzle you with on days when we're working for twelve hours in bluebonnet fields, breaking out in rashes- ah, the glamorous life of a photographer's assistant!- or working for twelve hours helping to put on a corporate summit- ah! the glamorous life of an intern!.

Actually I did get a free mug out of that. YES.

I was about this excited. My love of travel mugs is strong.

Good things come to those who wait, y'all. (Damn it.)

-AC2

The end of SILENCE!!!!

Wow ok so which Aquatic Cousin has been slacking? ME! I doubt anyone except AC2 and I have noticed, but in the case that someone else out there did: my deepest apologies!

We have had too many recent adventures to count. . . Since we have both been working all week long, we have been trying to cram as much fun as possible into the weekends. This leads to two things. . . . a very long Monday and muddy boots.

ACL was amazing! Umbrella Cousin joined me Friday for some Sweet John Legend action I also got to see my very good friend Phil. . . HAHAHAHA. AC2 came Saturday and Sunday for mud fest 2009. I got the best of both worlds! Sooo many of my friends were there and yet it was such a clusterfuck I barely saw any of them! Sarah did get some SWEEEET new boots tho! Mine are still sitting on the balcony covered in mud. What do I plan to do about it? Nothing.

LongHORN Football is also amazing. This past Saturday was super fun! Elisabeth (not a cousin) and I went to the game and also hung out with Esteban and the bunch.

Anyway Lis and I decided to pour vodka into cans of diet Rockstar. . . . HUNG OVER doesn't even cover it! But alas I can only blame myself! Crap my iPhone won't sync. Damn phone drama!

I- due to the pleading of Esteban- hung out with him and his girlfriend Dani at their apartment after the game. Yes, yes I know what the hell was I doing hanging out with my ex and his new girlfriend? I have not the foggiest! It was odd and I don't believe she was all too pleased by my presence or the fact that Steve and I kept taking walks down memory lane. It all looks the same! So weird to be removed from something and then see it again! I guess just because we broke up doesn't mean he got rid of all his stuff, but really it all looks the same!

This weekend is TEXAS vs. OU! Yaaaay Aquatic Cousins go to DALLAS! First I have to make it through my work week. I basically work for the female version of Jeff Lewis. I play the role of Jenny. Today I started doing voices. I think she liked Vlad best. Unlike Bernard*, Vlad is not a molester. I think Vlad is gay, or a cross dresser he talks about martini's and his nails a whole lot. "OOOH myy GAAAAWD nails soooo chiiippd! I go to salon now Mrs. Shelley?" Vlad can make Shelley laugh in a way I can't, because he can say things I could never get away with. Vlad can become invaluable and by association I can too; job security is important in this economy.

Scrappy is scaring Moose and honestly me. He is running all over chasing a phantom house fly. Moose just got so scared he jumped into my lap. He did not spill my beer tho so I didn't really yell at him too much. Now I am punishing him by using him as a foot stool. I am such a good disciplinarian! No really I told Maynard I wouldn't make Moo do anything he
didn't want to.

Feel yourself and your friends up this month and celebrate breast

cancer awareness! You could have some fun and even save a life!

GOODNIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!

AC1

ETA by AC2: *Bernard is a scary, scary voice I created at the age of 12
or so and used it to creep out both AC1 and my bestie Rebecca. I
believe Bernard is even creepier than Mitch, The Christmas Troll.

Old Gregg was there in his tutu and canoe somewhere, probably

The Aquatic Cousins got a chance to flex their semi-aquatic muscles this past weekend, at the Austin City Limits (ACL) music festival, thanks to some torrential down-pouring of rain. This turned poor lovely Zilker park into a mudpit and made the people who put down the sod several months ago that had it so beautiful and shining mere days before most likely cry with tears of intense sadness. But those tears were probably washed away in the rain and added to the mud, so it doesn't much matter anyway.

I'm really glad I'm not one of those guys. Hey, look at me- I'm sensitive.

Friday I did not attend the festival but AC1 and Umbrella Dancing Cousin did, enjoying the lovely weather and beautiful grass before monsoon season came upon us Saturday. Umbrella Dancing Cousin, however, missed out on this waterpark-with-a-soundtrack as she decided to return to Ft. Worth and I benefited heartily by making sure her wristband wasn't lonely and got to return to the festival through Sunday. (Pictured above with AC1 and AC2 is not Umbrella Dancing, cousin; that is Blanket Cousin. She has been so named because a throw blanket was her choice of rain gear.)

Having lived in the great city of Austin for the past five years you may be surprised, Dear Reader, to discover that this was my first foray into ACL- and enjoy it I did! Giant beers for the drinking, veggie burgers for the non-cow eating, port-a-potties for everyone, amazing judging looks from hipsters in hippie headbands aimed uncomfortably at you for several minutes as they pass you by! It's all magical. Even in the rain.

Observe: AC2 happily in a semi-aquatic, musical environment

In anticipation of the ground Sunday, the Aquatic Cousins went on a bit of a mad shopping dash to every store that might have ever thought about stocking rain boots or ponchos in the history of ever- only to find all of them sold out. ALL OF THEM. SOLD OUT. Finally we resorted to Academy- lo and behold!. . .they had giant camo man boots. BUT! They also had camo hunting boots and matching umbrella accessories. You bet your cushy ass I bought them both. Behold, the glory:

You can see that AC1 owns actual galoshes. My hunting boots are MOLD PROOF! and lasted the day out nicely, gathering roughly 1/3 of Zilker onto themselves which was more recently washed down my shower drain and into the plumbing system of my apartment building.

AC1 will have more to add about our adventures I am certain, as well as pictures of the sexy outfits we wore around the park. Imagine our mad dancing to Raveonettes (well, we were busy drinking our first 24oz beers at that point, so we were dancing only in our heads really) and Girl Talk dressed up so.

Naturally we were also inspired to start our own band (a highly unique enterprise in Austin, may I assure you) and happily my friend Elizabetsy can play not only the piano and the flute, but also the accordion. She is so in our band.

-AC2

The Results are In!

We are saving a chair for you (you know who you are)!

Was Sunday Funday a successful cousin outing? Why yes, yes I believe it was! Somethings are just for cousins and some are to share. I will share with you this there will be more bedazzling on the way and hopefully more trips to Lustre Pearl. We played Ping Pong whilst we drank our wine and took photos that due to the idiotic nature of my camera almost look artistic! We also hula hooped in the giant hoops provided by Luster.

It was a romantical cousin adventure and we had a lot of fun, some of it planned and some of it not...

These here are my lovely and elegant cousins

Aaand this is me climbing through the fireplace. . .

That Sauvignon Blanc was really tasty too bad I don't remember what type it was! After Lustre we went to Saba Blue Water Cafe for dinner. Kristi loves their Steak Churrasco and Sarah and I had the delicious Creole Spiced Calamari! Yumm this place is great for dates too and not just the cousin type. We all had a Mojito with our meal which only made it more delish!

With that I will leave you I have had a long day of playing artist at school and I nearly impaled myself with a burnisher during print making (involves acid and sharp things scaaary!).

Have a wonderful evening Ladies and Gents and "let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!"

~AC1