Winter is Coming.

Oh hell I'm writing about fantasy. You know it's AC2 (Sparker).


Let's just gloss over the fact that it's now February and move right into something I'm waiting to happen on April 17th- HBO's mini-series adaptation of George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones.



The Song of Ice and Fire series has been sitting on my to-read list for absolute ages and news of this going into production spurred me to finally order the books and read them, aside from the bit I read and don't remember from when I was 14 or so.

Whether you've read them or not, if you're into fantasy this looks promising. The casting for my favorite character- fierce little Arya- looks dead freaking on, I am so excited.


Who's my little BAMF?!
I will try to restrain myself at this point from yelling about how much I hate the character of her sister, who is a dumb, dumb bitch. Ah. . .that was my restraint. Ahem. They seem to have aged some of the children, which I honestly expected due to some of the content of the story; it would be difficult finding child actors to handle some of the things that would have to happen to them (Chloe Moretz cannot be in all of the things). I mean damn, this series is dark-- a reason I love it so. Beheadings! Incest! Rape! Murder! Betrayal! No one is safe; it's not black-and-white fantasy where you can line up all the characters on either side, with maybe one dude dawdling in the grey area. In this, everyone has their own agenda and also many of them HAVE THEIR OWN LITERAL GIANT WOLVES, HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! Ahem.

The cazzine* will be excited to find me on her couch for this come April, I am sure.

Further selling points? DRAGONS AND MAY I AGAIN MENTION GIANT FUCKING WOLVES. Where is my direworlf I want one.

Characters of Jon Snow (the bastard son!) & Bran (the middle son!) with their direwolf pups. Oh hai dad look what we found in the snow CAN WE KEEP THEM?!

My favorite dumb, dumb bitch Sansa (Arya's sister, who they appear to have aged a bit from eleven) with her direwolf. 'Sup. Just takin' my wolf for a stroll.

-AC2

*Cazzine=childhood interpretation of cousin, which has recently come back into vogue for us

I bet they all read a lot of Fitzgerald.

From the kitchen table of AC2, Sparker.

I got a makeover, you guys!

Which for some reason, I cannot enlarge. But no matter. Because:

You can have one too!


I'm hoping this will help attract my second One True Love (OTL) Chris2, whom I met poolside in Florida. He's a Jersey Cop, but without a "situation" or tan at all. There was a Jersey Cop convention at this particular hotel I had the good fortune to be staying in. AC1 was wildly jealous when I told her about it, but less so when she realized he only had a man necklace and I didn't see a single person with Pauly D's Mortal Kombat hair.

A girl can dream, though. A girl can dream.

In his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars.
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

I bet the people who work at the Gatsby salon on Jerseylicious are terribly fond of Fitzgerald's writing.

-AC2

Failure.

From the couch of AC2, Sparker.



I- AC2- am a huge Harry Potter nerd/fan/dork/however you want to say it. I think J.K. Rowling is a magnificent writer and I love the world that she built and that she believes, like Madeline L'Engle*- that children can deal with the dark and heavy and the hard questions because they are as much a part of life as the happiness and magic; indeed experiencing one can only strengthen the regard we have for the other.

Naturally I had to try and find Rowling's interview with Oprah that aired today and the internets did not disappoint me (Leaky Cauldron FTW!). What surprised me is that in my natural state of procrastination, I should find just the words that made me want to stay- not on track- but to do better than I have been by far. (It's amazing just how demoralizing unemployment is, friends, I will say that.)

"Failure. Failure. It's so important; it doesn't get spoken about enough- we speak about success all the time. But you know- I do not know any- I haven't met- and I've been so fortunate to have met extraordinary people through Harry Potter-and not one of them didn't have their failure, their more than one failure- and it's the ability to resist- to resist failure in may ways, or use failure that often leads to the greatest success, isn't it? So yeah. Failure.

I've often met people who- who um, are terrified- you know, in a straight jacket of their own making because they'd rather do anything than fail, they don't want to try for fear of failing. Well that's the rock bottom thing- rock bottom wasn't fun. At all. I'm not going to romanticize rock bottom. But- it was liberating. What did I have to lose?"

There is power in that freedom. I have a hard time with the fear of Doing Things Wrong (I think this is a trait common in anyone who likes to please people or has ever been accused of being a "goody two-shoes") and that brings in quite a scope for failure. It's why I love being friends with people like Lauren Carter, who push me out of my boundaries and get me to try things I might never have done on my own otherwise. I am more of a perfectionist than I am willing to admit, even to myself. (This becomes a funny contradiction when I'll, say, let cleaning go for longer than I should because I don't have time to clean it perfectly. That's weird, I know.)

So while I'm not starving and it's probable I'll find some sort of job before I get evicted (and therefore I'm not, you know, digging up the scuba gear that originally dubbed us the Aquatic Cousins in order to explore the water table under rock bottom), I have quite a long way before I get anywhere near where I'd like to be- where I've probably unconsciously expected I'd be- at this point in my life. Whether that's actually a "failure" or not will always be judged differently by All Who Can Be Called Them.

I think I will listen to Ms. Rowling for a while. She seems to have done rather well for herself.

P.S. Oprah are you hiring?!

-AC2

*There's a quote from Madeline L'Engle that I love also: "You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children."

I have a huge love for YA (young-adult) lit and I can't believe how overlooked it is. Twilight is not an exception because Twilight is horribly written- I'm happy if it acts as a gateway to reading better books, though. Try His Dark Materials or The Hunger Games. Those books will sit with you long after you have read them. . . and might even make you think a little differently. That, in my mind, is what a good book should do.

Whatever they drank in Ancient China probably would make a man out of you.

From the keyboard of AC2, at 3:00am on a Saturday/Sunday.

So, being the huge nerd that I am I was obviously perusing Cousin Mabry's (Salsa Dancing Cousin? Is that the name we came up with for you? I don't remember. It's 3am and I'm sober.) books on poetry she had checked out from her local, Colorado library, looking for suitable wedding wordage, before the lot of us headed out for her Cousin Bachelorette in College Station.

My favorite of the books? Definitely Bartlett's Poems for Occasions. There are poems in there for just about every occasion, probably including 'becoming a woman'. My favorite, however, was a poem from ancient China entitled "Drinking Alone with the Moon". The text is as follows (and is possibly even better than my epic love poem I Love You More Than Socks):

Drinking Alone with the Moon

From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me-
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.
Alas, the moon was unable to drink
And my shadow tagged me vacantly;
But still for a while I had these friends
To cheer me through the end of spring. . .
I sang. The moon encouraged me.
I danced. My shadow tumbled after.
As long as I knew, we were boon companions.
And then I was drunk, and we lost one another.
. . .Shall goodwill ever be secure?
I watched the long road of the River of Stars.

Li Po
Chinese (701-762)
Translated by Witter Bynner

I don't remember what official occasion that was filed under, but if you find yourself having the occasion of being emo and drunk while alone, then this is certainly the poem for you! Pretty much when I read it I just imagine characters from Mulan stumbling around so blind drunk they can't find their own shadow. I'll make a man out of youuuu!

The promised photos of the Cousin Bachelorette, etc, will have to wait until AC1's return from glorious Costa Rica where she is currently vacationing while I hold down the fort at the BDH. Whence she returns I'll force her to upload all photos recently gathered so we can live vicariously through her. Unless you're on vacation too. Then I'm not sure whether to be flattered that you're reading this on your vacation or chastise you for not going outside. GO OUTSIDE. Unless you're sunburned. Then get you some aloe vera gel, and not with any lotion in it either. Trust me. I'm really pale and I know my shit.

Anyway, in the meantime I can post photos of me coding my thesis in crayon (the things I do to get myself to work, seriously) and you can. . .not be jealous of that at all, really.

Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns*
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Mister, I'll make a man
out of you. . .

Sing it with me now. (That one's for you, Derek Todor.)

-AC2

*In this rendition, substitute "Huns" with "Thesis" except that really fucks up the rhyming scheme. I'll work on it.

Squalling infants do not a romance make

We have yet to have given you a truly wonderful reading recommendation (I believe we did mention The Silver Metal Lover by Tanith Lee which is a definite win), so I am here to remedy such a sad truth this very morn. In fact, I have a little treat for you found by way of the Smart Bitches- a whole smattering of free romance eBooks from Mills & Boon!

There are ten of them total and all it requires is a little of your time to read descriptions and decide which ones you'd like/download the necessary software to read them if you don't already have it. I have read four of them and will happily give you my opinions; I am debating whether I will read the other six (probably yes because I am a ridiculous person) because it creeps me out that all of the storylines center around babies/pregnancy.

I don't know what kind of escapist fantasy involves a squalling infant, but I'll take slightly rape-y Regency-era England historical romances over that shit any day, let me tell you. Which I suppose I just did. Anyway: onto the reviews!

SILENT IN THE GRAVE Okay, I'm a little confused as to why this one was even in the romance category because aside from one passionate kiss there is absolutely no sexy time. I mean, it is set in the late 19th century so for that time period seeing a man with his shirt mostly unbuttoned (NOOOOO THE HORROR THE HORROR!!!) was pretty scandalous for a woman of 'good breeding' etc whatever- but this book is actually good. Well-written, the characters are interesting, it's witty, well-researched and the clothing descriptions (especially if you are a sucker for costumes) will have you wishing you had some Poppins-worthy hats on hand yourself. And it's a mystery! I'm actually planning to acquire the next two in the series as well as this one, all in actual book format.
Overall grade: A+
Sexytime grade: C+ good sexual tension/build for future
Ridiculousness grade: B (sadly no one is a werewolf/faerie/vampire; fortunately nobody is a sparklepire)

DIAGNOSIS DANGER Much more in the vein of the traditional romance novel- everybody is extraordinarily good-looking and sexy and when they have sex IT IS THE BESTEST EVER WITH EXPLOSIONS IN THE SKY, OMG. I like the fact that the heroine is a redhead and a doctor- but she too has a weird obsession with babies. (If you want non-creepy babies, go for something like The Very Virile Viking by Sandra Hill. Far superior. And hilarious.) There is a murder-mystery plot happening as well, so at least our heroine has something to think about besides her devastating endometriosis. Best part of the book is her Polish mother butchering English, and the author's dedication to her parents for "taking the English language places it had never been before".
Overall grade: B-
Sexytime grade: B (includes over-the-top flowery language to describe their 'heavenly joinings' or whatever without actually describing much)
Ridiculousness grade: B+ (I think they at least take about a month before they sleep together. Must be a romance novel record.)

THE RAKE'S UNCONVENTIONAL MISTRESS I don't know how I read that other one before I realized that there was another historical romance in my midst, really. This one nearly lost me for two reasons: one, there is a lot of near-rape going on in this book. Some women like that kind of thing in their bodice-rippers, I do not. Creepy. Like babies. Second reason? JANE FREAKING AUSTEN MAKES A GUEST-APPEARANCE. WTF. Something about Shakespeare, maybe, being in a romance novel strikes me as hilarious. Austen? The Brontë Sisters? I just don't even know what to do with that. Aside from that, the book was well-researched though the supporting characters a bit cliché- your heros nearly always have to be, but you can have fun with the supporting. This author went for your standard meddling mother/supportive uncle/disapproving aunt/bubbly pretty younger sisters/rapey gardener's son. As far as the two main characters, I felt it was trying to be a re-rendering of Pride & Prejudice- at one point the heroine is even talking about how she should have seen the goodness in the hero but she had been 'too prejudiced'- how subtle. Darcy would kick this man soundly for being so rape-y. There are also two other instances of near rape by random other characters. It's lovely, really.
Overall grade: B+
Sexytime grade: A-
Ridiculousness grade: JANE FREAKING AUSTEN. A+.

THE PLAYER Oh sweet, sweet god. This one was AWESOME. Apparently it is also part of a trilogy, one I will be acquiring over the next few months, mark my words. Six-and-a-half foot tall, Irish-American former Army Ranger from Alabama with Deep, Dark Secrets? Our heroine was a Wall Streeter who had a heart attack at 26 so she rearranged her life to run a relaxation retreat for burned-out people? Her secretary is named TEWANDA? There is an ENGLISH MASTIFF? SOLD! And even better is the fact that our heroine is a "big girl"- the whole virginal theme starts to get a little weird after a while, with the Sexually Experienced Men Showing Them Things. She also almost psychically senses our hero's pain, which is pretty great. People jump out of rowboats into lakes in September in Maine. My favorite Irish whiskey is involved. The sex scenes are hot. There is of course conflict that you know will be resolved in a singular conversation considering there are only fifteen pages left in the book after that. This book is a win.
Overall grade: A+
Sexytime grade: A+ (you can't lose when the term 'impaled' is used)
Ridiculousness grade: A+ (TEWANDA, SERIOUSLY. Also the timeline for their romance is a single week. And our dear hero ROARS while in the midst of sexing his heroine. Hell yes.)

And there you have it. Go forth and read happy, kids!

ETA: My friend Andrew recommended the following article from the NYT about the path of life. My favorite excerpt, that describes how I feel exactly when people ask me if I ever want to have kids-

I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life. [Note to friends with children: I am referring to other people’s children, not to yours.] But there are also moments when some part of me wonders whether I am not only missing the biological boat but something I cannot even begin to imagine — an entire dimension of human experience undetectable to my senses, like a flatlander scoffing at the theoretical concept of sky.

I'll be twenty-four next Tuesday and I'm definitely planning the purchase of my next car around the possibility of getting a mastiff in the next five years rather than the fabled Marriage and Children (sorry mom, sorry Crazy Aunt Alida). Mastiffs don't turn out all wrong if you home-school them and rarely do they go to college.

-AC2

No really, I want a pony.

It has been All Quiet Here on the Cousin Front for a variety of reasons- Aquatic Cousin 1 has been away with Empty Chair Cousin and her older sister (who shall wed in the spring and who I don't have a snazzy name for. . .Tequila Cousin? Help me out here, Mandapants!) along with other family, in Taos for the holiday weekend. I have been stuck with a computer that decided it no longer wanted to recognize any such thing as this newfangled "INTERNET" and pulling my hair out waiting to hear back on a sweet gig at an awesome local company. . .because yes, I need yet another job.

BUT I GOT IT!!! So now I'll be working 9:30am-3:30pm for The Man, Monday through Friday. I will also be wrapping up my thesis, compiling my data and actually writing my thesis, continuing to work for Mr. Artist Boss Man aka Kevin Greer and. . .you don't really care about my schedule, do you?

It's okay. I'll just drink my milk over here and pretend that you care. (Hey, it's important to prevent osteoporosis kids.) Perhaps you'd be more interested in hearing about my very first tailgaiting experience from UT's opening season game last Saturday, wherein I fell asleep sitting on a cooler, drooled on my arm and got massively sunburned across my back and shoulders.

Hey, we can't be pure sex all the time; but we try for you, faithful readers- we try for you. Additionally, that photo there (taken from Sixth Street adventures* I embarked on Friday night with some out-of-town visiting friends) reminds me of an important announcement that I have yet to make on this here blog:

SEPTEMBER 29TH IS MY BIRTHDAY; YOU HAVE 21 DAYS TO PREPARE, PEOPLE.

Ahem. Just thought you should know. In case you wanted to buy me some Ray-Ban wayfarers. Or a pony. Or seasons 2.0, 2.5 or 4.5 of Battlestar Galactica. Or a Disco Deer. Or a case of Sophies. Or the entire Outlander book series by Diana Gabaldon. Or any and all Viking Time-Travel romance novels by Sandra Hill. Or a mastiff.

I'm sure I'd be able to hide a mastiff inside this apartment without my management ever finding out. They are such tiny and delicate creatures.

Look for more cousin adventures to come- I'm sure AC1 has loads of updating to do about her trip to Taos. And I've finally resolved my problems with AT&T, so you can look forward to me not bitching about that anymore.

-AC2

*Sixth Street is the resident Drunk Street of Austin- the Aquatic Cousins recommend you go mostly for the people watching and cheap drinks and then move on to classier places to hang out for a more better time.