Tuesday, July 20, 2010

GETTIN' down on some home improvement and SH*T

From the desk of AC1, Mandapants.

For some reason I decided that I should spend my last $50.00 today at the Home Depot! Home Depot you ask? Why yes the good ole Hooome Deeeps! So I ventured over to my local Home Deeps near St. Edwards University and began a quest for home makeover liberation!

When I pulled up there were like 600 some odd Mexican (I assume they were Mexican because I am a racist. .for all I know they could have been Columbians or Ecuadorians whatever) men outside looking for work. Hey more power to ya dudes but I got this situation on lock down! Let me at that paint section bitch! So I strolled on in there like I owned that Home Deeps clad in hot pink shorts and matching headband with my Gucci thrown over my shoulder all casual-like ( I couldn't let on to any of those plumber types that I ain't a professional) and I headed straight over to the section marked PAINT.

I had a clue as to the color I was lookin' fer so I went over to the Behr section (I've heard its the best) and began to peruse the selection. WOW so many options! OOh PINK! ! Oooooh! Oooooh! FOCUS Amanda FOCUS! You are not here to buy pink paint you are here for some shade of white (preferable a bluish white with a name suggesting of something that pairs well with Vodka.. i.e ice cube or glacier). Then like the magical home improvement fairy herself had blessed me I found it! The perfect crisp bluish white color and it is named CLUB SODA! Can you believe that?! Club Soda! Thank you home improvement fairy I shall never forget this!

After doing a dance and a cheer (very discretely, mind you) I sashayed over to the counter and ordered up a gallon of Club Soda in high gloss. The man looked at me very seriously and asked me to hand over the color card (whoops) then he looked up again with a most confused expression on his face and said "High gloss? Are you sure?" Yes? I replied meekly. Was high gloss bad? I thought its shiny finish would look great with my table? Who does he think he is?! I know what I want! GIMME MY HIGH GLOSS CLUB SODA!!! Who does he think I am? Just some idiot girl who hasn't a clue what she is doing *cough*? He instructed me that it would be about 10 minutes so I went hunting for supplies. . obviously I would need a brush right? Yeah and some TAPE! Yeah some plastic to cover the floor and a tray! Yeaaah I got this! By the time I wandered all over gathering these things and accidentally crossed into the plumbing section my paint was ready! Woot! I checked out leaving the Home Deeps and all the Mexicans behind in a cloud of Tonka truck dust headed home to the BDH!

So I may not have a clue what I am doing. . . but so far so good! I remembered to tape the part I didn't want to paint and sanded the legs... two coats later it is lookin' like a white table! A very special white table painted in the perfect shade of CLUB SODA! WHAT?! YEAAAA!


1 comment:

  1. Let me add that I did buy pink paint and also I forgot to buy one of those paint can opener keys (that is the technical term) so I used a wine opener... no one could possibly be surprised by this.